February 4

You wouldn’t believe what happened to me last week. I sure don’t. Wednesday night just came and went without me noticing. I didn’t watch anything on TV. I was doing other things. Ed and West Wing passed me and I barely blinked. Happily, they were apparently repeats, so I don’t have to go hunting them down.

The trend continued for the rest of the week, and I saw very little, but here’s what I did see:

The Lord Of The Rings was on. The extended 16 hour version. I am embarrassed to say I have yet to go and see the second installment, but I have a lot to say about the first. Chiefly, the following: Star Wars is now out and LOTR has taken the mantle of most fulfilling fantasy series of all time. It hurts me to say this, because I love the original Star Wars trilogy. I grew up with it. But the new episodes that have been released are just awful. I used to try to defend them tooth and nail, but I can no longer do so. When Episode II came out on video I rented it to try and enjoy it and you know what? Of course you know, cause you have a brain. It is a piece of shit. A horrible film. And it is BETTER than Episode I!!!! BE-TTER. Meanwhile, we have LOTR I. The acting alone kills everything but Harrison Ford and Alec Guinness in any Star Wars. The dialogue is great, and the visuals are stunning. It is an astonishingly cathartic voyage that we follow the Fellowship on.

Still, I got tired of waiting to see how they were going to fight off the untold numbers of Orcs, or how they were going to traverse the impossible pass on the mountain, or how they were going to manage to do whatever unimaginable task was in front of them. And, the voice of the eye is just impossible to understand. Even in surround sound. I look forward to II and III.

I had been in a meeting on Saturday til about 2:30. I came home to my roommate watching coverage of the Columbia tragedy. I watched for a while as very little information came in. I was kind of lost in thoughts. I loved the shuttle so much as a kid. When I was growing up, I would get excited for any shuttle launch. I would watch it on TV, and my sense was that the whole rest of America was too. Perhaps I was just figuring that everyone felt like me, but didn’t it used to be a big deal when those things went up? Anyway, I loved them. I knew a lot about them. I read books, and even taught a unit on life aboard a shuttle in space to the rest of my class in 5th or 6th grade. Then there was the Challenger, and now there is the Columbia.

I cannot imagine suffering a loss like the families of those crewmembers have. Their loved ones are heroes, and were before they lost their lives. But I think as well, that all this inquiry into NASA’s responsibility serves little purpose. I am 28. How many people have gone into space, SPACE, and come home safely in the course of my lifetime? Perhaps we take for granted the routine nature of space travel. Perhaps we shouldn’t.

February 12

Let me tell you a little something about rivalries, OK? Take Coke v Pepsi. It’s fought every day, and by untold numbers of folks. There are folks who don’t even realize that to go to a restaurant, order a Coke, and hear, “We have Pepsi, is that ok?” is a battle. When you say, “Oh, sure, no problem.” you lose. Hey, I do it too, sometimes you just need soda. But it’s still a loss, because it can always be a game.

One of the top 5 rivalries of all time, right up there with Nixon v Kennedy and Athens v Sparta, is the University of North Carolina Tar Heels athletic program v The Dook Blue Devils athletic program. Especially when it comes to men’s NCAA basketball. Try this at home, ask 10 truly random people the following question: “Who do you like better, the Tar Heels or Dook?” I’ll bet you more than half have an opinion, and I’ll bet it’s a strong one.

Dook (that’s the way I prefer to spell it) can eat my ass. They have been on a tear in recent years. Taking it to my beloved Tar Heels on most every occasion. Recently, there was a column written for an other website you may have heard of called espn.com. This piece was written in anticipation of the first Dook/UNC matchup of this season (they play twice a year, once at the beginning of February, and once at the beginning of March, then usually again in the ACC Tournament and they once, just once, were one game away each from playing not just in the NCAA tourney, but in the championship game. God in heaven, thank you for sparing us all that one). The gist of the column was that since UNC has had their troubles for a few years there was not really a rivalry anymore. The teams were to meet at Dook. Dook is a top ranked team this year, UNC has not been ranked for some time. Dook has an experienced team, Caolina’s is young, perhaps it’s youngest ever. Dook is healthy, UNC is missing one of it’s very best players and has been for some time.

When I turned on the game, it was tied with about 4 minutes to go. Carolina was young, on the road, unranked, and not at full-strength, and only ended up losing by 9 in the toughest place to play college basketball in America. I was proud of the kids. They will be back, and soon.

Everything else I saw this week was a first. We got the first two episodes of the fourth season of the Sopranos and really enjoyed the second one. I may be misremembering, but it seems like they always start a season off with Tony walking down to get his paper in his robe and slippers and boxers. This is awesome. The new American hero. He does this like it is the most difficult thing in the world. As if he has been working a manual labor job all day and now just wants to pick this paper up so he can read it and crash to sleep. But there is also some enjoyment in it for Tony. Sometimes, going to get the paper is the only job he wants.

Then there was the puke scene with Adrianna. It’s really interesting to me the way they paint the Feds. They are bumbling, but not in a Keystone Cops sort of way. I forget what mob film it was that talked about this (maybe the Sopranos even) but I have heard the FBI described as a business. The product they sell is “Mob control” and they people they sell it to are us. If they don’t show results of some sort, they will lose taxpayer funding. In effect, we will have “stopped buying it.” The Sopranos really uses this theory well. These crime fighters are not Eliot Ness. They are more like Fred the Baker, yawning as they try to win. “Time to bust the mobsters…”

After years and years of wanting to see what I was so excited by as a kid, I finally rented and saw the first couple of episodes of the old cartoon, Starblazers. This show was translated from the Japanimation show Space Battleship Yamato. It was really neat to hear the theme song and see the characters again. I highly recommend the process of tracking down random old shows you loved as a kid and seeing them again with your older, wiser eyes. You gain some insight sometimes that you might never expect. Starblazers showed me why I always liked the brim of my baseball hats down really low. Captain Avitar had his hat that way and he always looked strong and compelling. The animations of that ship were incredible. Rent it as much for those reasons as for the strange incongruity of the wacky scientist and the R2-D2 rip off sidekick robot.

I gave Sex and the City a whirl. Saw the first episode only so far and was not impressed. But it is early and I am sure there will be some good stuff in the near future. The acting was fine and the writing was fun. Not sure yet how I feel about SJP just talking to us (the camera) sometimes, but I think I like it. I guess I do the same thing here in this column. I really like Miranda’s date with that poet kid. Funny and well done on her part.

The last thing I caught was the final episode of Joe Millionaire. I had not seen a lick of it til that night, and didn’t actually see the end, but that butler was hilarious. He reminded me of the character that would start those great Rankin and Bass Christmas specials. I hope the blonde won. The other girl, Zora or something, seemed lame.

Beat Dook.

February 16

To the readers:
I will not be posting again on this site til the party who called the Tar Heels a "disgrace" apologizes. I will then post the apology along with my next posting on schedule. I am not kidding. My email is t@improvasylum.com I hope to hear from you soon.

February 19

I saw Gangs of New York with the generous host of this site, Bruce. Man alive, that was one long movie. What did I think of it? Well, overall it was an amazingly complete and total submersion into the world of the film. I was there, in 5 Points, the whole time. The costumes, extras, sets and texture of the film were staggeringly rich and complete. I really enjoyed that aspect of it.

Daniel Day Lewis is just incredible. This is one of those performances that make you want to run to Blockbuster on the way home and rent several other films with that actor so you can see more brilliance. So you can try to trace the roots of the brilliance as it comes of age. Watching his character is like taking an acting class, and let me tell you, it’s much, much cheaper.

I have to admit, I have never enjoyed Leo as much as I did in this film. I thought he took a step up. I can’t quite put my finger on what it was that I found different. Maybe this was the first time I saw him play a character with some self-doubt. He always seems to play obstinate, self-confident people. The kid in Titanic knew that his way was the right way. Romeo and Jim Carroll didn’t care what was going on around them, they just went ahead and did what they wanted. In Gangs, Amsterdam is unsure of the right way to go. He does what he feels he has to based on the circumstances, not some internal compulsion. Does that make sense?

Cameron Diaz had such a fun character but I wished they had given her more to do. They set her up to be a factor, and then she digressed to just taking care of Leo to get him ready for the fight. I also enjoyed her performance more than any previous one.

Gangs had two major problems as I saw it. The first was the blood. I couldn’t believe the amount of blood. Blood spraying like a leaky hose. Blood dripping like sweat off of peoples faces. Blood pooled on the ground so deep the shoe that steps in it disappears. It was like a cheap horror film and it detracted from the action.

Also, Gangs made so many claims that I found myself questioning which details were true and which were not. Many, if not all, fictionalized histories have this problem, but this one was particularly confusing. I would have liked to see some more blatantly accurate things so that I was less worried about the made up stuff.

In the end, Gangs of New York makes a bold statement about the New York City attitude that still exists today. As the gangs prepared for what they considered the final battle to determine who was the most powerful, and who would rule the 5 Points, the rest of world wasn’t interested. In fact, the rest of the world was busy doing something that really WAS important. Present day New Yorkers should take note.

Have you heard of V-Day? I was a small part of it, and I was very proud to be. I saw ten wonderful actresses perform Eve Ensler’s play the vagina monologues on V-Day in a benefit performance. I had not seen the play before and I really enjoyed it. The women will perform again on the 1st of the month and I am really sad that I will not be able to see it again. This is the highest ideal of theater coming to life. It is so rare that theater is actually used to change minds, and to help people. But here it was. This weeks’ column is dedicated to the actors who donated their time, and themselves to a wonderful cause. I am so very proud to have been there. Thank you all.

I watched an absurd amount of snow fall in the “Beast of the East” snowstorm of 2003. We got more snow than in ’78, which blows me away. To me, this is like the Red Sox winning the World Series. If you know a New Englander, you know that one of our great pleasures is to chime in after a big storm with some version of the following statement,

“Come on, this is nothing compared to 1978.”

Well, this was. This was in fact, MORE snow than in ‘78. 27.1 inches to 27.5 inches. The newspapers are calmly reporting this fact as if it doesn’t rip from us a major trump card we have all held for so long. I understand that ‘78 (I was in California) was longer and more surprising than this storm we just had, but still. We got more snow.

It was strange actually how mellow it was. We were told it was coming. Then it started. Over two feet fell. It stopped, and we started digging. No calamity or panic ever entered the picture at all. Certainly the storm was not without tragedy as almost 50 people along the east coast died during the storm. But in 1978 the National Guard had to take over the city for crying out loud. The Beast of the East may go down as the most boring monster storm in history.

One of the reasons for that title is what the storm made a full 1/3 of America watch. The Joe Millionaire Finale, Part 2 of 3. I caught the second hour, like most of America. Sorry Fox, that first hour was a bad idea. Americans don’t like losers, so showing us an hour of interviews with them is not likely to hold our interests. Especially when we had planned to be done with all this last week. I only got on board last week and even I felt cheated.

The only thing that bears discussion was the actual conversations Evan had with the two girls, and the response Zora had for him. Sartre said, “We go to the theater to learn how to live.” If that is true, then there is some dramatic value to watching someone try to say these difficult things to someone else and I thought Evan and Zora both did a great job. So great that I wonder if they had some Fox writers whom might also have been vacationing in France to help them out with their wording. These were well-crafted statements from people who would agree to do something like this show in the first place. To me, that’s a slightly suspicious combination. But hey, good luck you two.

Earlier in the snowstorm, I went down to the local second run theater with my girlfriend to brave the snow for a bit and see the second Harry Potter film. I had seen it before and am anxiously awaiting both the next film, and even more, the next book. Chamber of Secrets was better, I thought, than Sorcerer’s Stone, but it was amazing to see how much older the kids seem to have gotten. Especially Ron. His voice is a full octave lower I think.

Chamber of Secrets was a very, VERY dark film. I can’t imagine what it is like for kids to see it. Although, I guess there is no way it could be worse than what they might have imagined as they read the book, so why not try to make it as close to that as possible. It sure is a fun little phenomenon. Rowling does a great job of weaving the stories so that they are all tightly related. You have to remember things from the first book to fully get why something in the third book is happening. Not like my old favorites The Great Brain or Encyclopedia Brown. Those books were all separate adventures. Harry Potter is shaping up like one long series of events. Kind of like the older Star Trek films before Next Gen made it to the big screen.

I am really interested to see who they get to replace Richard Harris. He died while filming Chamber. It’s an especially interesting thing when you consider the young audience for this series of films. Parents may have some tough questions to answer when their kids ask why there is a different person as the same character. Harris was just wonderful as Dumbledore and whomever takes his place will have quite a task doing so. I also wonder if they will do something in tribute to him. I hope so.

February 26

It’s about class. Most Dook fans don’t have any, so I am not surprised at what I read, but I thought I would take the time to teach a quick lesson. Many of the things you said, Cheeze Whiz were pretty factual. Yeah, Dook has owned NC in recent years, but if you read what I originally wrote, you’ll see that I said just that. The thing I can’t abide is someone calling NC a disgrace to college basketball. NC taught Dook everything it knows and more. NC is to be thanked for long shorts, pointing to thank the passer, huddling before free throws, and the greatest player ever to step on the court. There have been stretches like this before for both teams. NC will be back, and soon. I’ll talk to you then.

On to the entertainment…

An interesting point has been reached in our journey through the Sopranos. Before my girlfriend had seen a single episode, I had seen all the way through the second episode of the fourth season. Last time I wrote about the show, that’s where we were. So now, we are both seeing the shows for the first time together. I can’t tell you what a relief it is not having to worry about spoiling things with an innocent comment like, “It’s really a shame about that Bevalaqua (sp?) kid.”

As far as the show goes, I remember people being annoyed at the beginning of the fourth season, but I have really enjoyed it. The third episode of the fourth season is the first “concept” episode of the shows life, a show dedicated to discussions about Christopher Columbus and Italian-American strife. Strange that it took so long, and also kind of strange to see that in a drama. I usually remember things like that on sitcoms. Like the Ghostbusters episode of Diff’rent Strokes. Anyone remember that?

The writing bothered me in that Christopher Columbus festival. Every conversation wound its way around to the subject and after a while, you were just waiting for it. Also, the arguments about the Jews and the Blacks having the “persecution edge” as we might call it, were much too fast. Things would be humming along, then a fight, then a new scene. No resolution.

After that, I wanted to see what the heck happened to Adrianna after she puked, but they managed to go a whole two episodes, so far, without mentioning it. Aid must have a lot on her mind. Hey Aid, stay away from boat trips, ok?

I finally caught up on some delicious West Wing. A night with three episodes in a row was like heaven. I thought the Inauguration episodes (a two parter) were a wonderful way to finally fully accept Will into the White House. The scene at the end, where he is made a deputy by the president, and then is called immediately to work with the rest of the staff was inspiring. It’s been very fun to see the level of comedy they have let Toby indulge in since Will came aboard. Toby scenes are now something to look forward to for a laugh instead of a tantrum. Maybe he will be a good father after all.

The next episode featured Sam a lot in his race out west, and while I loved the things that the White House staff did, both to help and hinder Sam, I thought it was muddy to go back to him as soon as we had fully embraced Will. Sam is dead, long live Will. Oh, and Christian Slater...what happened?

I caught the ending of Seven on TV the other day. What a twisted way to entertain yourself. But really, it is one of those movies where no matter what point you happen to turn it on from, you are hooked and have to catch the rest of it. And who did I see defending John Doe but a young lawyer who would grow up to be Toby Zeigler! Strange to see him without his beard. I wish they really had used the same character name.

Last, but certainly not least, I spent a day in front of some SNL reruns. I wasn’t watching the whole time, but they sure were fun. I have this theory about SNL, tell me what you think. My whole life, whenever SNL comes up in conversation, people invariably say that they preferred the older casts to the present one. They say something like, “As soon as they got rid of _________ the show went downhill.” Well, unless we are all talking about the first cast, I would think there had to be some quality in there somewhere. I admit, the mid 80’s was a bit of a wasteland, but jeez, didn’t that era produce Julia Louise Dreyfuss, Eddie Murphy, Billy Crystal and, for all his faults, Anthony Michael Hall? And that’s just a quick four off the top of my head! I think SNL has always been funny, and will always be funny. I know there are much more precarious limbs to go out on, but hey, what do I know?